Do you ever feel like you’re standing on the sidelines, watching your own life pass you by? Are you perplexed as to what the aim of it all is?
This is precisely how I feel on a regular basis. I feel isolated and alone; I don’t feel like I have control over my life; I want to feel like I belong and am accepted by a group. I want to join a sorority where the girls look out for each other, call each other sisters, plan girl’s nights, and do things together.
I see them all the time; they’re constantly strolling together, conversing, laughing, and I’m sure they’re saying sweet things to one other. But it hurts me because I’ll never understand what they’re talking about.
I can see the way they have each other’s backs, their love and support for each other, and the extent to which they enjoy one other’s victories. I don’t think I’ll ever know what it’s like, but I do know that I’ve always fantasized about it, that I long for it, that I want it, and that I need it.
Don’t I deserve it? sisterhood!
The love and companionship, the passion and dedication that females have for one another, that they have something in common with, someone there to shield me.
Am I not worth it?
How do I get people to see me for who I am, embrace me, and adopt me into their sorority? I don’t feel like I fit in, and my parents don’t even know the real me. These questions make me unhappy, so I have to keep my guard up.
On one of those days, I sat alone in the classroom, browsing through my Tablet while waiting for our teacher. A young lady approached me. Alice is one of the females in a group that I adore. When she called my name, I glanced up to find a lovely grin on her face; she introduced herself and asked if I wanted to be her friend.
I was taken aback at first and wondered if I was dreaming; I had never taught any of them knew my name until that moment. I didn’t know what to do because my heart was already racing with excitement.
She observed how happy I was and told me she wanted to introduce me to her circle of friends because she knew they would be happy to meet me.
I couldn’t stop smiling because everything I’d ever wanted was right in front of me!
I felt accepted immediately because everything happened so swiftly. Alice looked out for me, or so I believed, because it wasn’t long before they all had to confess to me that I didn’t belong with them, that our friendship was all a ruse to see how much of a freak I was. They informed me that even in my dreams, I would never be able to be a part of them.
Then, I overheard them laughing it out, and I’m sure they’re talking things about me that hurt so much. I taught Alice cared for me because she was part of a sisterhood, but actually, I was a bet, and they used me to caricature me.
I’m aware that I’m weird, which is why I thought my angel had come to help me overcome my weirdness, to help me evolve, and to teach me things I didn’t know about sisterhood. I was mistaken; I should have realized that I would never be recognized as one of them.
For what it’s worth, I had a good time with them; my brief sisterhood with Alice made me feel alive; I felt like I was finally fulfilling my dreams. I choose to live with the lovely memories of the friendship since it was genuine to me. While I burrow back into my shell, I’ll live with the euphoria of the delight it brought to my spirit.
Despite my strong desire for it, Sisterhood isn’t meant for me after all.